with the start of a new month, i felt like it would be a worthy time to get on track with my writing. within the writings to express my current state or just to get things off my chest, i am going to be answering 22 questions that will help me become better aware of myself. these entries will be called self-knowledge… i pray that they will allow me to open up to myself, something that is a bit frightening to me. with that being said, here i go.
day 1: write about something i thought about a lot as a child
living on a ranch as a child, i was sheltered from the rest of the world. i had very few friends, usually only seeing them at school. my brother was, and still is, my best friend. but, as he is 3 years older than me, he reached an age where he was helping my parents in the fields, leaving just me for the majority of the day. during these times, specifically the summer, i would spend the majority of my days alone… and i absolutely loved it. i had made up all these businesses in my mind that i would work at and talk to customers and such, talking to myself, making up conversations. only when my family was around did i feel strange for talking to myself, but when i was alone i was in my own world, i was incredibly comfortable and happy. the dogs and cats would follow me around to all the places that i would walk on the ranch, of course talking to them as well. i remember a time that i would lay out on the deck with the dogs, blankets for each of us, reading to them for hours. i would even bring snacks for us. i didn’t care that there was no one really around to talk to besides my family, i was delighted to be living in a world that i had created entirely from my mind.
it makes me smile now thinking of all the time that i spent alone, as i was able to escape into a world of adventure without judgement. my mom always thought that it was a bad thing that i had spent so much time by myself, although i think it helped me become more independent. i am reminded every now and then how lucky i was to grow up on a ranch with wide open space to go on adventures, as i know now that even as a young girl, i was finding myself.
in my heart and mind i will always hold a special place for the little lindsey will red hair and flowers in her hands.